We have all heard of the feedback sandwich a.k.a. “Cushion. Bump. Cushion.” Start with a compliment, slip in the redirection critique like a little stealthy slice of shame salami, and close with a “You’re doing great, sweetie.”
We’ve all been served a feedback sandwich.
Hell, we have all served a feedback sandwich. Many of them.
And let’s be honest… It’s basic. It’s uninspired. Yes, it can get the job done, but 😐.
We’re here to declare it officially dead. Buried next to hustle culture and “circle back” energy.
Enter: The Meal Prep Bento Box (stay with us….evidently it is a day of food metaphors)
Intentional. Structured. Specific. Balanced. And part of a larger wellness story.
Why Sandwiches Are Meh
The feedback sandwich feels polite, but it can actually be deflective, and even worse, ineffective. Here’s why:
- Confusing & Diluting: When poorly constructed, it can be confusing. If the “nice bread pieces” don’t relate to the feedback meat (the point), the sandwich can be disjointed and confusing. If you are using the sandwich to avoid or hide the meat, the point gets lost in the sandwich.
- Manipulative: It can make positive reinforcement and compliments feel like a setup. If your ratio of feedback sandwiches to “No Strings Attached” praise is off, your people will always be waiting for the BUT after the compliment.
- Nice vs. Kind: Nice is polite and surface level. Kind is emotional intelligence 2.0. Kind prioritizes the best interests of people, even at the expense of your own comfort. Nice is smiling at a colleague. Kind is quietly telling them that they have food stuck in their teeth.Brene Brown dropped the hammer and said it best: “Clear is kind.”
Meal Prep Bento Boxes > Haphazard Sandwiches
Oh…meal prep….on the list of things we know we should do, but often gets lost on the TODO list.
Feedback as a Bento Box works because:
- Intentional & Planned: It is thoughtful. It takes a little planning. It shows that we care enough to consider what is necessary for success and growth.
- Structured & Specific: It holds boundaries around the necessary components of nutritional density (the point) & sweetness (empathy). Its structure is designed for clarity.
- Balanced & Portioned: There is limited space, so you have to be thoughtful about what you put in there. An entire loaf of bread wouldn’t fit, and it would overwhelm the balance of the box. You have to find the piece that is the most important and appropriate for the given box.
- Flexible & Situationally Adaptable: You can eat your bento box in whatever order best serves you! Protein first is going to work the best today? Do it. Need to eat your sweet treat at the beginning? Cool. Every situation is different. Every person is different. Do what works best for the situation (and the people) involved.
- Contextual & Consistent: Its very existence is part of a larger, more consistent wellness story. How do you build an overarchingly healthy life? Consistency over time. How do you build a culture of growth mindset and psychological safety? Consistency over time.
Build a Feedback Bento Box
Remember, you can eat the food in your bento box in whatever order best serves the situation and people involved.
🍗 1. Protein = The Meat. The Point. The Real Feedback
Don’t be a dried tough piece of chicken or a hockey puck of a steak. Be clear. Be kind. Be specific.
“In our last meeting, you cut off Sam twice. It shut down the convo—and we missed their input.”
🍞2. Carbs = Extended Energy. Shared Goals. Big Picture.
It is a marathon, not a sprint. Remind them what you’re both trying to build.
“We both want this project to really land. It is important for your long term success.”
🥕3. Veggies = Micronutrients for Growth.
Eat your vegetables. Model the behavior. Small, healthy, growth-focused habits over time.
“I care about your growth, and I want to offer something that will help you lead stronger.”
🍓 4. Sweet Treat = Dopamine Hits
Our brains love sugar and craves the dopamine hits. Sometimes it is a handful of strawberries, sometimes it is a sprinkle Funfetti cupcake. It probably shouldn’t be cupcakes every time, but don’t underestimate the motivating value of a little sugar.
“You have incredible potential, and I was really impressed by how quickly you moved to problem-solving.”
The Secret Ingredient: Grace
Meal prepping is not about being perfect all the time. And yes, sometimes you need to just throw together a sandwich. Let’s be real, sometimes you need to run through the drive-through and grab an extra-large Coke Zero with pebble ice (or is that just me? I might be mixing food metaphors….).
The point is that “meal prepping” (being thoughtful, deliberate, and consistent) is valuable. It can make a huge difference to your overall wellbeing — EVEN IF YOU DON’T DO IT PERFECTLY.
Being specific, contextual, balanced, flexible, and consistent in your feedback delivery is valuable. It can make a huge difference to your leadership, relationships, and overall team culture — EVEN IF YOU DON’T DO IT PERFECTLY.
If you made it this far, thanks for hanging in there for our extended food metaphor. 🙂
XO,
Anna
