The Baader–Meinhof phenomenon, also known as the Frequency Illusion and sometimes called “the blue car phenomenon,” is the tendency for a person to notice a specific concept, word, or product more frequently after becoming aware of it. (For you super nerds out there, here is a link to the Wikipedia page where you can learn more.)

Our theme this month is Alignment, specifically Values Alignment, and lo and behold, a beautifully poignant illustration of the stress that values friction can cause in real life came into our extended ecosystem. 

With permission from the author, we would like to respond to this story with some of the concepts that we are exploring this month. 

Disclaimer: We do not know all the things, nor do we claim to know all the things. Think of this like coaching blog-style. Some suggested frames and thought experiments in response to this real-life situation. Here we go.

1. Acknowledgment: We feel your distress through this post. We feel you. We see you. When we find ourselves in a situation of values tension, it is HARD. These are the situations that keep people up at night and make them really question who we are and what we are doing in this world. Values work is all fun-and-vision-boarding until your values are actually pressure-tested in real life. 

2. Congratulations: The fact that this situation is impacting you so deeply and causing real distress means you are a person of character who has thought deeply about your moral center, your identity, and how you want to show up in the world. So, congratulations. It is highly unlikely that you are a sociopath or an asshole.

3. Growth Edge: Your discomfort means that you are sitting squarely at an inflection point of growth. This is one of those “sucks so much right now, but when you look back in 5 or 10 years, you will be grateful for the experience” kinda moments.

4. Safety First: Here is where we may stray a bit from “Instagram meme and TikTok advice world,” consider your safety and sustainability first. Everyone’s situation is different. We don’t all have the situational privilege to make sudden, dramatic decisions that blow up our lives, even if they are values-driven and “right” according to our own internal moral compass. It would be so great if decisions were 100% clear 100% of the time. But particularly when things are really tough, there is always a balancing act between survival and life alignment strategies at play. That is okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person.

5. Consider Your Range: We are all an amalgamation of many different identities and personas, with varying degrees of overlap. We are not the same person all the time. The question is, how much variation is okay for you? We all have to make compromises, where are you willing to compromise and what are your non-negotiables?

6. Analyze the Conflict: Taking the time to thoroughly and thoughtfully analyze the conflict is important. It is important for you, so that you can unpack your discomfort. It is a “name it to tame it” situation. Breaking it down and clearly articulating the pieces will help make the situation less overwhelming. It will also help you communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs more articulately which will make you more effective. 

Here is the exercise. 

• Make a list of your core values (formal, informal, it doesn’t matter). HERE is our free guide if you need a template. 
• Make a list of the “things that are bothering you” about what is going on/what is being asked of you at work. These are likely behaviors or actions. 
• Try to map those behaviors and actions back to the “how and why” they conflict with your core values. What value is being conficted? It is like reverse engineering the “root” of the conflict.  
• Practice perspective shifting. Can you see things from different perspectives? Even if it is ridiculous, even if you eventually don’t agree. But can you see an alternate perspective?

7. Make a Plan: Once you have more clarity on where you stand, make a plan that gets you as close as you can get to alignment and survival. Your plan may include:

• Communication and Compromise: Once you have more clarity internally, is there an opportunity to have thoughtful communication with your employer/manager? Is there a compromise or solution that could be reached if the conversation is approached in the right way? This may or may not be possible depending on your individual circumstance.

   

• Creative Problem Solving & Framing: Perhaps there are creative ways to bring seemingly disparate paths to a place that is more palatable for you.
• Pivot and/or Exit Strategy: Perhaps it is a true impasse. If that is the case, make a plan. Do your best work as you prepare for a pivot or exit. When possible (even if it is hard) take the high ground, act strategically, behave and interact with integrity, and exercise your agency to find a better environment for yourself.

From one messy human to another,
Anna

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